Every relationship has good days and hard days. Knowing what healthy looks like helps you see the difference between a rough patch and a real problem. It also helps you know when to reach out.
This guide draws on Australian health and support services. It covers the signs of a healthy relationship and the warning signs to watch for. It also lists places you can turn to for support.
What a healthy relationship looks like
Healthdirect says that respect, trust, kindness and open communication are signs of a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships help you feel happier, more valued and appreciated. Partners feel safe sharing their thoughts.
They can say when they disagree and still stay emotionally close. They listen to each other and are willing to compromise. Healthdirect adds that relationships take ongoing effort, and sharing household tasks fairly can reduce stress.
Australia’s national support service for domestic, family and sexual violence describes similar signs on its page about a healthy relationship. It says a healthy relationship brings more happiness than sadness or stress. The other person does not scare you.
Freedom to be yourself
A healthy relationship leaves room for your own life. The national service lists the freedom to see family and friends and to go out without your partner. It also lists controlling your own money and making your own decisions about your body, work, friends and home.
You should be able to keep your own hobbies. You should be free to practise your own culture, religion or spiritual beliefs. These freedoms belong to both people in the relationship.
Time together matters as well as time apart. Shared activities can be a good way to connect. Our ideas for outdoor group activities for adults work for couples and friends alike.
Respect and safety
Feeling safe is a basic part of any healthy relationship. You should be able to be honest about how you feel. You should be able to say no to sex.
Mutual respect shows up in small ways. You listen to each other’s opinions and feelings and celebrate each other’s achievements. During arguments, neither of you uses insults or abuse.
Neither person forces the other into things. Neither person controls or manipulates the other. The national service is clear that relationship behaviour that is abusive is never OK.
Talking well with each other
Healthdirect offers some simple communication tips. Say clearly what you want to say and listen carefully to the other person. Try to see their point of view and check that you have understood each other.
Show warmth and interest, and set aside uninterrupted time to talk. Body language, tone, facial expressions and eye contact matter too. Being distant or turned away can make a partner feel ignored.
Some couples find it easier to talk away from home. A quiet meal out can give you that time, and our article on the restaurant dining experience looks at what makes eating out enjoyable. The setting matters less than giving each other full attention.
Normal ups and downs
Healthdirect says it is normal for relationships to have ups and downs. Differences in opinion or expectations do not always mean a relationship is unhealthy. Facing challenges such as money worries or different beliefs as a team can help.
Concerns may be a warning sign when they cannot be resolved. They may also be a warning sign when communication breaks down or someone feels unsupported. That is the point to think about getting help.
Warning signs something is wrong
Healthdirect says a relationship is not healthy if someone uses control, manipulation, abuse or violence. Warning signs include feeling unsafe or unsure around the other person. Others include frequent arguing, avoiding problems or having decisions about money, social life or routine controlled.
You may feel criticised when you raise your needs. The relationship may be affecting your mental health or confidence. Healthdirect says these behaviours are never acceptable and can have serious effects on your wellbeing.
The national service notes that controlling, frightening or abusive behaviour may be domestic and family violence or sexual violence. You have the right to feel respected and safe with anyone you have a close or regular relationship with. That includes partners, ex partners, family, carers, colleagues and housemates.
Sometimes the worry is about a partner’s drinking or drug use. Our post on the common signs of drug addiction explains what to look for. Some people also find support through a recovery coach while they work through those problems.
Where to get support
If you are in immediate danger, contact emergency services straight away. For other concerns, there are several services you can contact. Healthdirect lists them on its page about maintaining healthy relationships.
Relationships Australia offers support groups and counselling, including for people in abusive relationships. Lifeline offers support for anyone in a personal crisis. MensLine Australia offers counselling and online forums for men.
QLife offers free LGBTIQ+ peer support and referral. ReachOut Australia offers anonymous online support for people aged 16 to 25. The national violence support service can be contacted by phone, text, online chat or video call through its website.
If you are worried about your privacy, take care with your devices. The national service’s website has a quick exit button and suggests using private browsing so your history is not saved. It also has pages on safety planning and on supporting someone else.
Frequently asked questions
What are the main signs of a healthy relationship?
Healthdirect names respect, trust, kindness and open communication. You should feel safe, valued and free to be yourself. Disagreements can happen without insults or abuse.
Is it normal to argue with a partner?
Healthdirect says ups and downs are normal. Differences in opinion do not always mean a relationship is unhealthy. It becomes a concern when problems cannot be resolved or someone feels unsafe.
What counts as controlling behaviour?
Examples include controlling someone’s money, social life or routine. Making decisions about their body, work or friends for them is another. The national service says abusive relationship behaviour is never OK.
Who can I talk to if something feels wrong?
Relationships Australia, Lifeline and MensLine Australia all offer support. The national domestic, family and sexual violence service can be reached through its website. In immediate danger, contact emergency services.
This article is general information only and is not professional advice. Every relationship and situation is different. Please speak with a counsellor, your doctor or a qualified support service about your own circumstances.
